As is the norm....

... it's been several months since my last entry.

I've been thinking about it lately and I'm starting to wonder if publishing under my real name doesn't create in me an internal editor that doesn't allow me to take any 'risks' in relation to writing things that may put me at occupational or relational risk.

I'm a pretty private person when dealing with people in general, even people that I consider friends. So if I keep the same checks and reservations in place when writing here for fear of having someone Google me and discover writings that are 'dangerous' to my employability (among other things) why would I write what I want to write as opposed to what I think 'they' want to see?

And that's the crux of it, is it not? What is the point of having something like this if you can't even write with reckless abandon about things that you actually care about and while disclosing opinions that you hold dear?

I was thinking of starting another blog, anonymously, to begin writing the things that I'm truly feeling, thinking, wondering. It dawns on me that there would be a certain amount of freedom in that and I would be allowed a measure of artistic license, if you will.

Then, quite literally and out loud, I said 'Fuck it'. Perhaps I should go ahead with my bold plan of self-expression right here, as myself? How liberating would that be? And with that simple exclamation, I've decided to hold here and give her a go, adding daily to get a feel for this 'self-expression' thing.

Writing has always been enjoyable for me. I remember writing a story about a Contract Killer when I was in grade 10. It was very well done, for a 16 year old writer, and I received some accolades for it. May have been a bit mature with a few scenes of violence that, I thought, were well done while not being over the top. Remeber, this was well before Columbine (wiki link) so I didn't have to worry about being dragged into the counsellor's office for a psychological examination.

It was even put up for the annual school writing contest but was beat out by some extraneous piece of fluff about how the world can be a better place if we all just try to get along. Or some such shite. I'm not bitter at all.

When sitting in front of this keyboard and trying to decide what to put here I'm sometimes overwhelmed with ideas. I've had personal pages before and actually done a few more personal pieces relating to things that have happened in my life.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

Zaal OUT.